


Love, Zelda

by orphan_account



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, literally just angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-19 11:44:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16533971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Set after the end of the season, reeling from the day's hectic events, Zelda writes to try and get a grasp on everything that just happened.





	Love, Zelda

**Author's Note:**

> I normally wouldn’t write first person but it’s late and this was what was in my head so here you go.

Everything I was afraid might happen, happened today. The 13 came to destroy the town. We saved the mortals, saved the town but barely. And the cost was so high. Sabrina. My poor Sabrina. She bares the weight of the world on her shoulders. 

I wanted her to sign her name in the book of the beast, I truly did. I thought it was the best way to keep her safe, the only way for her to be truly protected, even when I’m not around. But now she has and it’s so wrong. It’s not her. She’s signed over a piece of her soul. I didn’t know how much it would take from her and I want my Sabrina back. I should have known. 

But there’s more, I did something. I took Lady Blackwood's baby. She gave birth to twins but not boys. One was a girl. A beautiful little angel. I looked at her and I knew how much danger she was in. I couldn’t let them hurt her, she was so small and innocent. I looked at her and I saw you, when you were born. I couldn’t let it happen again.

Do you remember holding Sabrina when she was born? How small she was? Wisps of blonde hair and those big eyes? She was so quiet, she never cried, not like you. You screamed and screamed when you were born, Edward. 

I miss you. 

Hilda's leaving me. She’s moving out of our room, she has a man and a job. I think she’s going to leave the house Edward. Ambrose is going to be freed of his house arrest, Satan knows what Sabrina has planned but I can’t imagine she’ll be wanting to stay here, not without Hilda. I’m going to be alone. 

It’s my fault, it’s all my fault. I knew Hilda would leave me eventually if I kept being so cruel, I just couldn’t stop Edward. I don’t think I know how to be gentle, anymore, it’s not in me. Everything that was good and kind and happy died with you and Diana. 

Except with Sabrina. I can be kind for Sabrina. She looks like you Edward. 

Hilda is everything I’m not. She is kind, and she is soft and sweet. And I love her for it. And I hate her for it.   
She doesn’t have to try. I plan everything in advance, I try so hard to be perfect. My hair, my make up, my clothes, everything is perfect, always precisely perfect, the way mother taught me to be. Hilda doesn’t worry about being perfect because she knows that she is right. She knows that she is good. She just speaks without worrying about what others will hear, she does what she wants because she knows it’s good. I can’t do that. I’m not good, not like her.

I have so much resentment against her. I'm so angry at her. And I’m so angry at you. You should be here. You were meant to be here, to help me. To watch Sabrina grow up. I can’t do this without you Edwards it isn’t fair. I needed you. I’m so angry with the world, all the time and I feel like it’s woven into my bones. It's so much easier to be angry than sad. Anger is strong. I can wake up every day angry and let it drive me, let it fill me until I’m burning hot. Because if I’m not angry then all I have is this deep brokenness inside of me. 

I can’t be broken. I have to be here for Sabrina. I have to be here for the baby. She doesn’t even have a name yet. I think I'll name her Constance, after her mother. 

I have to remind myself that I’m not her mother. I’m not Sabrina's mother. I'm not anyone's mother. Always the back up. Mother said that once, when she was arguing with dad. That she spent her whole life holding everyone else together and she had forgotten to live. I didn’t tell you that, I didn’t really know what it meant but I know now. I think I’ve become her. She was so sad at the end. She cried, and she yelled at dad and us, she wanted to be someone that she wasn’t. That’s what I’ve become. She went looking for herself deep in the bottom of a wine bottle, I can’t do that. People need me. 

 

Sabrina's not coming back tonight, she’s at the academy. I hope she’s going to be okay. I’m so worried that I’ve failed her. Hilda is in her new room. I should have help her set it up, I wanted to help but instead I just spied on her and felt bitter. I always have the best of intentions but I couldn't do it. 

Ambrose is probably asleep. I should go to bed but the cuts on my back are burning. Every time I move I can feel them, it was all the magic today, not to mention delivering a baby. I can’t bare the thought of lying there in the dark alone. I just can’t. 

So, I’m going to stay up and write a hundred letters I can never send. I wish that I could. I wish that I could speak to you, ask you what to do, that you could help me. 

I never did believe in wishes. 

Goodnight Edward.


End file.
